character bleed By Marin Madden

character bleed

By Marin Madden

too often I grieve for metaphorical deaths

not realizing it shouldn’t matter

or maybe just not caring

telling myself my heart breaks

for them

telling myself I’m screaming at the world

for them

telling myself I’m shaking with fear

for them

knowing

it’s never been about them.

I’ve been navigating my way across life’s seas

my hands always on the steering wheel

in control

at first the sea was calm

beautiful pristine clear blue,

skies wide open

sunshine to let sink into me

pumping through my veins like

nothing would ever change

golden memories bleeding out of me with every failure, every bad day

to be swallowed by the murky black waters

I do my best to stay afloat,

but the salt of reality stings

my open wounds seeping those good old days

my steering wheel is all I have

clinging to it like a lifeline

but in vain

my ship is sinking, memories fading

the mast was struck down years ago by truth and doubt

holes in my hull by the words shot by others like cannonballs

so instead of searching for land,

stitching up my wounds,

I let myself bleed out of me

until I’m empty

stuck the tallest thing in a lightning storm

because I’ve made my way out before

and found it’s darker on the other side,

another storm always coming,

no rainbows after rain.